You can tell a lot...

Ladies, I, like you, have heard that you can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear. Let's start there. I'm not going to talk about what I think about Megan's flip flop wearing or my husband's scuffed slip-ons. I am here to talk about blinds.

I have wanted to say this for a long time: You can tell a lot about a person by their blinds.

See, if there is one thing I do both often and well it is walking. When walking around my neighborhood I experience the entire gamut of thoughts regarding the homes on my block, and most of these hinge on window treatments as seen from the sidewalk. Some homes have well trimmed trees with an assortment of knee high vegetable plants that make me wonder what they did for such green and full gardens. There are other yards that I want to lend my mower to, and some homes make me wonder what kind of a lazy, good for nothing, idiot slumlord would rent to single boys. (Answer: the same kind of people who put ads of Craigslist seeking a sales associate who, "...has served a mission and knows how to talk to people and work hard". I responded to that prospective employer and informed them that just because someone served a mission doesn't mean a damned thing and that if I knew who they were I would report them for equality violations based on religion.)

I am sure at this point you are thinking, "Whoa! Wait bird, your are talking about yards here! What does this have anything to do with blinds?" My answer: everything. See blinds indicate a lot. Call me Freud but blinds are an excellent indication of a long, long list of states, and moods, and traits including, but not limited to the following; how much a person works in their yard, personal hygiene, organization, responsible family planning, the making of beds, depression and various mental states, clean underwear, manners, courtesy, and finances.

Let me explain.

Blinds drawn in late morning= Troll
If my blinds are drawn by eleven a.m. it is safe to assume that I am in my pajamas and have not had breakfast yet. I may have been up since eight, but I am busy and cannot be bothered with blinds. Everyone has their own version of what this particular status means. For some, late morning blinds are the sign of a hangover, for others, daysleepers. Megan and I refer to this state as, "being a troll".

*Being a troll is not to be confused with living in the ghetto or desert heat where having the blinds open suggests idiocy.

Open blinds early= Superwoman
If my blinds are open by ten a.m. I am open for business. I probably went running, did laundry, ate, cooked muffins, wrote in my journal all by nine. I am a hero today. I am, what I refer to on Twitter, Superwoman! This is my favorite blind state. I am a morning person and I don't care who knows it! Look at my blinds neighbor friends and neighbor strangers! I am in charge today!

The next blind category is my least favorite. I abhore it. Let me qualify my hatred. When we moved back in November (I was eight months pregnant and convinced the Dotter was coming early) it was into a rental that had been left in a most deplorable state that made me more mad than I had been in a looooong time. Cheerios in the cupboards, hairs from places I don't want to mention on the bathroom walls, food bits and even a COMB under the fridge! (My blood is boiling again.)

I enlisted help that required six people working for close to fifty hours to make it liveable. One of the last things needing improvement after scrubbing and santizing from ceiling to floor was the blinds. I told my landlord that the blinds were "unacceptable" and needed to be replaced. We replaced them and he took the money off our rent. What made the blinds unacceptable? The blinds had little cut outs in them and were splattered with bits and dropplets that made my paranoid mind jump to the likes of vomit and semen. Yeah. Sick.

Dishevled blinds= dishevled life.
While you may not have been privilaged to see these blinds from the inside, as I have, I promise you have seen these blinds from the outside. Sometimes they have something leaning on them and othertimes they appear to be permenately closed, occassionally the blinds are bent or melted and if they are closed, they are closed with a portion of mustard colored drapery tucked between the slats.

I am a sometimes troll, sometimes Superwoman gal who loves to rise and accomplish early but doen't always get it done.

What do your blinds say about you?

Oh yeah- AND! Here's the thing. If you are a renter this is your new rule: Leave the place better than you found it. Yeah, I know. You're just a renter. I get it. Life is horrible and everyone owns a home but you. Poor, poor you. Life is hard- get over it. If you are a renter who is moving here is your check list:
- Vaccum
- Sweep and mop all floors including under fridge and stove
- Wipe down all baseboards, cupboards and drawers
- Sweep porch
- Clean bathroom until you could eat soup out of the toilet bowl